All last weekend and into the beginning of the week, I was feeling a whole lot less than beautiful. I mean, I was struggling with a cold. My nose had that 'I've been blown too many times' look about it, my eyes looked real rough and needed more sleep, and my whole body was just dragging along. Sunday night I decided to do something to help compensate for those things. I painted my nails. And not just any old color. I went with a deep purple with silver ring fingers. This made me feel a little more bold and daring than previous. By Tuesday, I was ready to wear contacts again and quit hiding my tired eyes behind my glasses.
So why not hide them behind a great American novel on a snow day? :)
I started writing this blog in my head last night as I was drifting off to sleep. I started thinking back to that moment when I realized I was beautiful for the first time.
I have never considered myself a stand-out beauty queen. I was never part of the popular crowd. I never wore makeup in high school, and it is in rare form if you were to find me in it now. I always felt that my glasses were hiding the real me, and in a sense, they do. Part of it was just how I viewed myself. When I first realized I was beautiful, no one was even saying, 'Katie, you are beautiful.' It all happened through a series of events that transpired when I was around 15.
I had considered myself a Christian for a few years at that point, but I had never been very vocal about my life choice. I was big into youth group and all of those activities, but outside of that, I was rather quiet about my faith. My best friend at the time, Chelsea, went to camp with us that summer. She had been through a lot in the previous months and we had been there for each other time and time again. This was our first camp adventure with Matt, and the group was small that summer.
That week was rather huge for me. I had been through a couple of heartbreaking situations from January to June that year. I had a moment in February that got my life back on track with God. I had just lost a classmate 2 weeks before camp. During this week at camp, I was able to talk about Tyler's death for the first time. I was able to talk about the immense loss I felt in January when Errol died. I gave my testimony for the first time to my small group.
Chelsea knew that one of the chapel sessions would be striking close to home for her. Before we went to chapel, she asked that when they did an alter call that I would come pray with her. I was blown away. Never had I been asked to pray with someone before. I am pretty sure I will never forget that moment when she was praying and I had my arms around her praying too. I could write a novel on all my camp memories. My favorite memories of all are the ones where friendships were deepened through praying together. A moment of great truth happened during TAG time, and a great many other real, deep, meaningful moments would compile this novel.
When we came back after that week of Fun in the Son, one of the moms commented on how sun kissed we all looked. I have gotten better at the sunscreen thing. Well, kind of...I at least make sure my campers have it slathered on real good!
Anyway, a couple of days later when I looked into the mirror, what I saw took my breath away. It was me. The me I've always seen looking back. But this me had something different. This me had a glow, and it wasn't just because I was still looking pretty sun kissed. This glow was the newness of my relationship with Christ that had been revealed during the week at camp. I realized then that others could see Christ in me and I wanted to show it more.
Getting dressed in the past few years has taken a different meaning for me. Like I mentioned in an earlier blog, I am somewhat of a secret fashionista. I have become so much better at putting together an outfit from whatever I have hanging in my closet. I go for modest, beautiful dresses in the summer, and comfy, warm, and cute sweaters in the winter. I have also taken heed of Colossians 3:12
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility,gentleness and patience.
Right now, the 3rd graders are taking so much notice of my jewelry. Oh, by no means am I bedazzled everyday, but I always wear something to make my outfit pop a little more. The best part about my very observant 3rd graders? They have made many comments about my pray bracelet that Alison gave me last summer. This is a constant companion to my wrist. They asked me where I got it and they know I borrow a lot of jewelry from Whit. I told them I got it from a friend and they made comments about me getting a lot from my friends. They made connections to 'Pray often' wall hangings they have and some connections to church. It makes me feel like they are noticing something different about me, even when I am not able to come right out and initiate open conversations with them about God. I feel like this whole experience is honing in on my gentle and quiet spirit.
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. -1 Peter 3:3-4
Not everyone is considered beautiful by the standards the world has set in place. Thankfully, I have been transformed and I know that I am beautiful because I have Christ in me and shining about me!