Prayers and Pic Lines

Let's be honest with each other.  We all know someone who has been affect by cancer.  It's everywhere.  This will be one of the few times I ever write about it and share it with the world because I have a hard time talking about it.  I've had too many family friends affected, and more personally, my own mom.

*I'm about to get really real.  A lot of raw emotions are written here.  I don't usually write with so much raw and open honesty to be viewed so publicly.*

The first time, I was a kindergartner and I just don't remember that much and I just didn't understand.  The second time, I was almost done with my senior year of high school and things were looking up.  I was high on life and everything in my life looked as good as it could get for an 18 year old just about ready to take on the world.

Most single girls hate Valentine's Day because they have no one to spend it with.  I hate Valentine's Day because that's when I found out that Momma had made that appointment because she knew something wasn't quite right.

Senior year was a huge time of growth for me in my walk with Christ.  I had just led my best friend to Christ the summer before, and I was up and coming as a leader in the youth group.  I was filled with joy like I had never known before.  Through this experience, it only taught me to trust and have faith even more.

This new knowledge was like a punch in the gut.  It was hard to recover from, and in some ways, I still feel like I'm recovering from it.

I'll skip ahead a few weeks.  Basically, Momma went through a lot of rough stuff and ended up needing a pic line and such which she decided to keep through chemo.

Some of the hardest days during this long trial were the days that I went with Momma for her chemo appointments.  Not only was it hard to watch that drug seep into my mother, but once I stepped into the cancer center, the mood changed.  I don't think I've ever been in a place that lacked so much joy and happiness.  I went to support Momma, but every time I walked in there, all I wanted to do was burst into tears.  It was so hard to walk by chairs filled with people affected by cancer of various kinds.  Sunken shells of bodies and sad, melancholy people.  It was so hard to meet their eyes as I walked by as a perfectly healthy 18 year old with her whole life ahead of her.

My heart broke for these people and I typically prayed through Momma's chemo appointments.  Not only did I pray for the individuals in the chairs, but I prayed for the doctors who had to tell these people the bad news.  I also prayed for the nurses who have chosen to spend their lives caring for these people.  While there, I met an aunt of one of my high school classmates.  She is a wonder!  I specifically prayed for her and that she would continue to come in with a smile on her face and continue to bring the sunshine to rooms that were filled with clouds.

Thankfully, here we are nearly 4 years later, and Momma is only going for checkups every 6 months!  That was a major experience that strengthen not only my prayer life, but eventually my relationship with my own mother.